Recently we went on vacation. We enjoyed it, maybe I’ll write about it one day (or not, you see how often I get back here, right?!) Anyway on the flight home on New Years Day, my mind started racing to thoughts of catching up at work in a job that I truly do not enjoy anymore for a company that hasn’t forgotten that their employees are the reason they are successful. I’ve made it through many rounds of layoffs, and that’s truly God, not because I’m particularly good at what I do, or because I’m indispensable or anything. It’s because God supplied this job for me before I even knew I needed it, and He continues to provide for me so we can give to the ministries that need support. So, I was staring out at the clouds, dreading going back to work, and just kinda asking God why I was still in this position, what I was supposed to be doing. I mean I know it’s a means to an end, but am I supposed to keep doing it when I dislike it so much? And that’s when God gave me my word for 2018… Trust. I don’t know about you but when hear the word ‘trust’ I immediately think of Proverbs 3 —
Proverbs 3:5-6 New International Version (NIV)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
I thought that was what I was doing, but it didn’t seem like my path was very straight, or more to the point, I didn’t see where I was going, where the path was leading. But I looked out the window of the plane, and I see these straight paths of clouds, and I was like YES, that’s what I want my path to look…straight, light, airy, and throw in an angel with a harp for good measure.
I could almost hear God chuckle at me. I felt very clearly that He was telling me that I needed to change my thoughts, my perspective, because life isn’t all fluffy and perfect. And I guess to prove the point, this was my view less than two minutes later.
It was like He was telling me to trust him even if I can’t see the path. I don’t have to see it, I don’t have to understand it, I just have to trust that He knows where the path is, where it’s going. Trust. Okay, I really want to, but do you know how hard that is for a control freak? Hi, my name is Mellie, and I have an issue giving up control. (hi Mellie, yes there should be an intervention.) You can’t handle knowing the whole plan, you would freak even more if you saw the path ahead of you. Don’t believe me, just take a little look.
How’s that path look? Well, it looks like a hot mess. No one would choose that, would they? But since I’m looking at it, where am I on that path because I can see me in one of those big puddles just sitting there, no progress, just sitting in the middle of the hot mess.
The path changes, it’s not always ‘straight’ in the conventional sense. There are even a few paths that will eventually all lead to the same place. Even when the road seems too winding, trust. And just like that, my picture parable was over.
All of this happened within ten minutes so it’s not like I was waiting for this message to open up for me. God had a message for me, and it was cool to see it unfold like that. It settled my mind, helped me view things differently. I’m not going to say I miraculously found joy in my job again, or understand why I’m still here, or where I’m heading or how this all works in the grand scheme of things. But I feel so humbled when God speaks to me ‘clearly’, and in this case, put in my place.
23 And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ. Colossians 3:23-24 (NIV)
So I will focus on doing this job, and I will continue to do it as well as I can, and I will trust that God has me planting good seed along the way. This year, I will focus less on what’s Not happening, and instead I will focus on trusting God.